


What is, and what could be

by Sadincae



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Descent into Avernus, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, F/F, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28895142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadincae/pseuds/Sadincae
Summary: There were multiple paths Irin Relys could end up down after helping her party save Elturel, any of which she would give anything to spend with her girlfriend, a tiefling turned devil named Elaine. This is two of those paths, and where they went.
Relationships: Irin/Elaine





	1. I missed you

Irin rarely allowed herself to cry. To do so in Avernus was fruitless at best, actively dangerous at worst. She could easily count on one hand the number of times she had cried over the last decade and a half of her life. Once, when she realized she was stuck in Avernus for what was likely to be the remainder of her mortal life; another, more recent, was when the Bleeding Citadel exploded upon drawing Zariel's sword, leaving both a crater in its wake and the first green grass she had seen in years; lastly, just hours before, was when Elaine had regained her memories and apologized for the hurtful words and pain she had inflicted upon her.

Now, in the safety of a soft bed as the din of reconstruction faded into the sounds of creature of night, dim moonlight filtering in from the window, Irin felt the urge to cry once more, but try as she might the tears refused to come. Perhaps it was the fear that it would be weak, or perhaps still the more irrational fear that it would break an illusion around her and she would be back in Avernus again, alone. If the latter was not the reason for her lack of tears, it _was_ the definitive answer for her lack of sleep.

She glanced down at the still form in bed beside her. Elaine had yet to awaken after being renewed in body thanks to Zariel's influence, now a devil no more and instead the tiefling that Irin had so fondly remembered. Anxiety settled deep inside her that perhaps she would never awake and had in fact passed away despite Zariel's promise, but Elaine's slow, almost imperceptible breathing dissipated those thoughts, at least for a moment. A trembling hand reach over to her, brushing hair from the teifling's face. New worries suddenly reared their ugly heads, and try as she might, she could not dispel them so easily with fact and reasoning. The air seemed to be suffocating now, and it was hard to focus. She deeded to get some fresh air, now.

As carefully as possible as to not disturb the sleeping tiefling, Irin shakily stood and grabbed her cloak that hung beside the door. Her hands were struggling even with the task of clasping it around her throat so she didn't bother to take the time to put on and lace her shoes before she made her way outside her room. The inn she was staying in was quiet, most had gone to bed hours ago. The few stragglers that remained she gave a silent nod of acknowledgement to as she made her way outside. The streets, too, were quiet save for the quiet chirp of insects and other small creatures.

Only a couple minutes of walking took her to the outside edge of the city. Buildings gave way to open air and lush grass that gently swayed with the breeze. She stared up at the sky, so open and calm, so different from the red skies she had grown so accustomed to while in Avernus. Walking further out from the city she finally sat down, running her fingers along the ground and through the grass. Time seemed to melt away around her. Thoughts and worries faded into nothingness as she absorbed the calm around her.

She was unsure how long she had been sitting there. It wasn't until she felt a firm hand on her shoulder that she jolted to her senses, scrambling to her feet, hand reaching for her greatsword out of pure instinct before she realized in horror that she had left it at the inn. Thankfully, there was no need, as the guard who had caused her alarm took a startled step back, hands raised.

"My apologies," he said, and Irin allowed herself to relax slightly, the guard following suit and dropping his hands to his sides. "I was just checking on you, you've been sitting there for half my watch."

Irin blinked, before embarrassment settled in, and she sheepishly laughed, tightly crossing her arms across her chest. "O-Oh," she replied, averting her eyes awkwardly. "I... I didn't even realize. The apologies are all mine. Sorry. I didn't mean to... um..."

The guard quietly laughed. "Ah, it's quite alright. I can completely understand." He fell silent, gazing off into the distance, taking in his surroundings with a gentle sigh. "It's good to be back, isn't it?"

She silently nodded, smiling slightly.

"It's good to be home."

She remained there for a while after the guard had returned to Elturel, and she again was left alone with her thoughts. After some hesitation, she began the short walk back to the inn. It had already been far too long that she had been away, and as nice as her time outside had been, she felt the same worry settle over her once again.

As she quietly entered her room, taking off and hanging her cloak up, a familiar voice cut through her nervous thoughts.

"Oh! You're here, I was starting to worry. I didn't see anyone when I woke up and I wasn't sure you were actually here."

Irin turned sharply to face the source of the voice, locking eyes with Elaine who was currently sitting upright in bed, looking very tired but smiling widely. She felt frozen in place, unable to speak, scarcely able to breathe. Elaine pouted exaggeratively in response.

"What? I don't look _that_ bad, do I? I know we've been through hell, but you'd think that-"

In an instant, it was as though the imaginary spell that had been placed over her had broken and Irin moved as if an external force had taken control of her body, throwing herself upon a now laughing Elaine, holding her tightly as if she would otherwise disappear from existence. It was only now that she realized her face was wet with tears that now flowed freely and easily; not from fear, nor anger or sadness, but from an overwhelming sense of love. Words poured out of her between laughing sobs, utterly incomprehensible and filled with absolute joy.

"I missed you," she managed to choke out.

"I missed you too," Elaine said, crying as well, burying her face in the mess that was Irin's hair to hide her own tears. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the canon ending, due to the actions taken at the end of the campaign before we officially ended it.


	2. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains content that may be triggering to some, such as suicide. Please continue at your own risk.

Elaine's expression was that of deliberate, calculated calmness. Steady breathes were almost unnatural as she inhaled, exhaled, like perfect clockwork. The seconds counted down in her head as she tried to keep herself from hyperventilating. She tried to be strong even if she wanted to be anything but. She wanted to scream, to break something, to do anything to express how angry she was at the circumstances that she knew were unavoidable. She sat quiet instead. Count to four, breath in. Count to four, breath out. It was so quiet she could hardly keep her thoughts straight.

Her hand gently held that of Irin's, the aasimar's body was at this moment so unlike that of the one she had in her youth, but nonetheless it seemed aglow with radiant energy to Elaine. Once strong and full of energy she now lay frail with thin blankets hugging her thin frame. The deep black of her hair was completely silver after decades of aging. Her wrinkled face especially crinkled around her eyes as she weakly smiled, one that Elaine struggled to return. Age had not stolen her beauty from her.

How many weeks had it been since Irin had been able to stand on her own, since she had been strong enough to leave this bed? Elaine kicked herself mentally for failing to take her outside one last time. It was too late for that now.

"I'm so glad that I could spend my life with you," Irin said, the first to break the silence. It had felt once felt so thick, and yet her voice, so quiet it was scarcely even a whisper, cut through it so gently. So kindly. It made Elaine's heart ache even more.

It had been eighty years they had been together now. Eighty short years since she had been reminded of the life she had led before becoming a devil, a life she wanted to resume with Irin. Eighty years since she had been taken from Avernus to live within Faerûn. It had been a struggle in many ways; they had to keep to themselves for much of this time as a devil was unlikely to be welcomed by anyone, and killing anyone who sought to destroy Elaine would only serve to draw more attention to them. It was simply necessity to isolate. That wasn't all bad though as they had lived happy lives together and had traveled so many places, fighting creatures and helping in secret, and eventually settling down together in a home they built themselves. It was everything Irin had wanted, and Elaine was more than happy to have spent every moment of it together. It was just a shame it had to come to an end.

Elaine's wandering memories were brought to a sudden stop as she realized Irin had spoken to her once again, "I'm so sorry that I have to leave you alone."

"It's fine." Elaine's free hand at her side clenched into a fist, painfully. "Irin. It's okay, I promise."

Irin sighed, "It isn't. No, I--" A violent cough overtook her, startling Elaine half to her feet in alarm, but Irin waved her off as best she could. After what felt like far too long, Irin had recovered enough to continue. "I was selfish. I knew you would live longer than me and I did this to you regardless. I'm sorry."

Those last two words were like daggers. It was only a matter of time before her internal battle against her grief would be lost. She all but collapsed back into her chair, and it was then that she felt hot blood drip down to the floor, broken skin stinging painfully. Her hand at her side relaxed with great effort.

"Don't be stupid," she choked out, the hand holding Irin's pressing her skin against her cheek. She wouldn't allow herself to cry, not now. Not when Irin felt guilty enough as it were. "I would gladly do it again. You didn't force me to stay. We both knew, Irin."

"I suppose you're right." She smiled sadly, closing her eyes and exhaling slowly, shakily. It appeared that she too was trying to remain strong. "Please let me be sorry, Elaine. I can tell you're in pain. You're bad at lying when you're upset."

Breath hitched, the clockwork was suddenly interrupted completely. To Elaine, it felt as though her throat completely closed up. She'd thought that she had done an adequate job and had hidden her agony; no, she'd failed, she had hurt Irin with her own pain. _Stupid_. She was practically suffocating and the pressure sat like rocks on her chest. It took all her strength to keep breathing again. Counting internally. _Keep counting._

"No I'm not."

"You are." Again, Irin smiled up at the once-tiefling with half open eyes and squeezed her hand. Elaine could hardly tell she had even done so. She didn't dare squeeze back. Had she been this weak moments ago? "Your feelings are honest. Even when words are not."

Unable to respond, she kept counting.

They stared unmoving into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours, but even an eternity would not have been long enough for Elaine when they again closed. That warmth was all she wanted right now, to keep feeling that warmth.

"I love you."

Elaine felt her eyes burn. "You too." It was all she could manage to get out. She had lost her battle and she couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. Moments later, Elaine knew that Irin had lost her own battle as well.

She was buried beneath a large tree that they had spent countless afternoons sitting under, reading or eating or simply existing together. Elaine hated that sunlight now. The bright light reminded her too much of those happy moments, of the golden color of Irin's eyes, of the glow that she always seemed to have about her very being. The heat that bore unrelentingly upon her reminded her of where Elaine knew she would soon be. She was well aware that she would never again see Irin, for she was far too good a soul for Avernus to take; she was everything Elaine had _wished_ she could be. It was a foolish, impossible wish for a devil who would never escape the clutches of the first circle of hell. She hoped that Irin had not been cursed with this same knowledge before she'd passed. She never would have forgiven herself, she had felt too guilty already.

Akin to a statue, Elaine knelt upon the freshly moved dirt, completely still, the only movement being the slow breathes she took. She placed her hands on the ground: it was warmed from the sun. She had been sitting here far longer than she knew if it was this warm. _Perhaps flowers will grow here someday_ , Elaine thought to herself with a thin smile. _Irin would have liked that a lot._

She held her breath, savoring the feeling, the dull pain it brought when her lungs screamed for relief. Exhale. The physical pain subsided.

Elaine had waited long enough. It was time.

"I'm sorry your kindness was wasted on someone like me," she whispered, reaching to her side and taking in her hands a thin blade that placed on her chest with deadly calm, the tip directly over her heart. Her hands were steadier now than they had been all day. "Thank you all the same though." She smiled widely, looking towards the sky. It was blinding. "I hope wherever you are that you're happy. I hope you know how happy I was with you."

She held her breath, and prepared for the pain. She counted to four, one last time.

"Goodbye Irin."

Although their spirits would be forever separate, at least in physical body they would both be together underneath this tree. That was the wish Elaine had now, and of all the wishes she had, it was the only one she had the power to bring true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the alternate ending as told to me by my DM, which would have occurred if Elaine had only received her memories again, but not regained her mortal tiefling body.


End file.
